The Pain of a Smile
A short poem.
smile
/smīl/
verb
- form one’s features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.
pain
/pān/
noun
noun: pain; plural noun: pains
- mental suffering or distress.
I smiled a lot as a kid, like a lot.
I’d smile,
When I went to church, so they’d baptize me in their sympathy,
Sitting in front of the classroom so that maybe the teacher would give me praises that I never got from my foster homes;
I’d smile at the thought of being with my family one day,
Ear to ear when I’d wake up from a lucid dream of being held when I’d cry.
My smile would radiate on Christmas Eve like the star that went on top,
Not because of the gifts, not because of the food, and certainly not because of the love,
But to mimic the warmth of the fireplace — to hide the fact that I was as cold as the winter’s wind that howled outside,
Like a wolf in search of its pack.
I smiled a lot,
But not because I was a happy child;
My teeth never showing, just enough of a smirk to give the impression of happiness.
I had held my tears back for so long that it felt that if I let them flow, they would bring the second flood upon the earth!
I smiled a lot,
My cheeks hurt just as bad as I did inside from all of the “smiling”,
I never learned to be happy,
My life was nothing.
I was nothing.
My smile had no meaning because —
Neither did my life!
I was someone that society “felt bad” for but not enough to care for.
Pain was my companion and,
Loneliness my burden.
Stripped from joy.
They say that a person’s eyes are the window to their soul,
When you looked into mine,
It was as empty as my cup.
I smiled a lot,
It hurt —
Until it didn’t.
I’m telling my story through poetry! I recently launched a Kickstarter Campaign to help cover costs associated with self-publishing a book. I would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to visit my Kickstarter page. Feel free to share it out on social media!
- LINK HERE: http://kck.st/3zb7M1l
